Musings from motherhood

A snippet of my motherhood initiation

This journey into motherhood has broken me open, turned me into inside out and I'm still in the process of putting myself back together.

My motherhood journey has been alchemical; a death and rebirth process.

This time has shown me more about myself, my capacity and my shadows than any other medicine.

It has highlighted the ways I am ridged and impatient, and the ways I still avoid and attach.

Any beliefs, views and judgements that I held in opposition to another have been tested till I've humbly surrendered them.

The dogma that constructed my life and lens is dissolving as I rebirth myself as mother.

Part of the me transformed with grace and ease, while other parts I'm still grieving as I paint the canvas of my new life. 

There are new and old anxieties to navigate. Old patterns, codependent hooks and fairy tales illusions all dissolving.

In my birth portal I was faced with feeling all the unprocessed pain and grief of my maiden. I cried and opened and cried and opened and cried and opened some more.

I choose to accept more support in this most vulnerable moment of my life, realising that my push for autonomy was a trauma response as I was so afraid of being abused again.

My son has given me the gift of the opportunity to face all of my biggest fears, creating more strength, space and capacity to love him.

Motherhood has given me the gift of presence; of slowing down and co-regulating. Waking up to my boys smiley innocence face everyday has ignite a joy in my that I have never experienced before.

And I thought life was meaningful before motherhood. I have a new appreciation for life and the magic of being a women who can create life.

Motherhood is the gift that keeps on giving.